Where we’re going, we don’t need roads. 

Look out your hoverboards, self-tieing laces and keep an eye on the weather report for lightning hitting the clock tower, we’re about to go on an adventure.

Step into my Delorean and let’s hit 88mph, the flux capacitor will do the rest, in this series I take you to an alternative world, I pick out an event in Rangers’ history and surmise what would have happened in an alternative reality.

DATE: February 1996

EVENT: Romario signs for Rangers.

Romario is a Brazilian footballing legend, he has it all, from the World Cup winning medals to the legendary temperament to go with it.

By 1996, Romario had returned home to Brazilian football following spells in Holland and Spain, with PSV and Barcelona respectively, where he starred, famously tearing Manchester United apart in 1994, before losing the final 4-0 vs Milan, one of the greatest teams of all time.

Romario had a temper to match his world-class striking ability, he could start a fight in an empty room. By 1996 Romario had outstayed his welcome at the Catalan giants, he was ready to move on.

In this scenario Rangers would pay 4 million for his services from Barcelona, and what a start it would be, scoring two goals in each of the games with Hearts, Dundee United and Dunfermline, before netting in his first Old Firm game, with his famous toe poke, running off in celebration, giving the visiting fans the one finger salute.

His sheer presence would raise the bar, Rangers would get victories over Grasshopper and Auxerre, making us still the first Scottish club to qualify for the latter stages of the Champions League, just many years before the less than easy on the eye Alex McLeish team.

I’m sorry to say I’m still convinced it would have ended in tears, Romario and Gazza would hit the town, taking Charlie Miller along for the ride. The end result would be an epic fight in a chippy along the Paisley Road West, following a 3-day bender, that would cause injury to the Brazilian superstar, being charged with headbutting a fan, injuring himself in the process while attempting to chase down the fan from the local eatery. This would send him out of the Rangers team for 6 weeks.

During this spell he would fall both foul of Richard Gough and Walter Smith, storming off home in protest.

This would force Rangers’ hand into selling the colourful and talented player at a cut-price. Romario’s time in Scotland would have been brief, but never dull, and by adding a player of his reputation and quality would have boosted the rest of the squad to new heights, shirt sales to new heights and countless Scottish kids now toe-poking it home, in the parks and backyards up and down the country.

He would head back to Brazil before again no doubt becoming unsettled and dissatisfied with life, claiming to not have been shown the love his talent automatically bestows upon him.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this short series and just remember, don’t leave any sports almanack’s lying around, you just never know when Biff is about.

@steven_harrigan   @rangersnewsuk